I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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