Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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