Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
