My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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