If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
