What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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