I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
