Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
