It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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