Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
