I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
