is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
