whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
