Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
