You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
