So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
