My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
