Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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