Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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