I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
