We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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