remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize