Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize