i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
