You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
