Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
