oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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