she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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