You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
