I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
