If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
