Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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