Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
