sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
