the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
