Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize