I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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