Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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