i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
