I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize