i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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