"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
