I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
where are my eyebrows?
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