we have pet lesbian snakes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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