its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
