Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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