Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
