before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
