RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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