Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
