I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
