I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
