the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
