You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
