worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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