I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We need to get me chipped asap
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
