And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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