Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
