It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
