Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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