A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She said her name was "party"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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