the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
