I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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