It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
