Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
